Women who give too much suffer in the long run
I read a very interesting article by Vicki Larson of the Huffington Post titled: Why Do women lose themselves in Marriage?. I have to say, that over the 25 years of seeing clients, many of them women, a common theme seems to surface. Many women find themselves unhappy, unfulfilled, especially once their children achieve a certain level of independence where they no longer need mom around 24/7. Some of these women have lost complete sense of who they are. They know their roles of mother and wife very well, but often ask themselves: Aside from these roles, who am I? Mostly, these are the women who devote themselves completely to others, feeling guilty if they take any time for themselves. These are women who don't do much outside of their very full home lives (ie, take courses, volunteer, go out with friends). As the author of the article states: "maybe that's why when many women divorce, it feels so freeing. Suddenly, they have time to return to the things they love or find new interests............they don't have to please anyone other than themselves. And, of course, that independence, vitality and renewed passions are exactly the things that make her attractive to someone new". So why do we give up this independence? Is that a must if we are to be coupled? NO!! In fact, it's much healthier for two people who come together to maintain a certain level of independence or differentiation. Couplehood does not mean becoming ONE. You must maintain a balance between couplehood, family time, alone time and social time. Don't let your partner be your life. Have your own life--always. This will make you a much more interesting partner to be with and this also keeps the attraction going. So remember: Differentiation, NOT oneness will lead to greater happiness.